Funship Terror Stuff

Well Well Well my good friends. Life is not always as it seems. At least... Not on the Funship Bugscape. (Work with me here... Middle Eastern - American accent. Drama. Suspense. You name it. That's the mood...)

Habib Syed Asif Sandeep Ashok Chaitanya Ramaram has sneakted aboard the Funship Bugscape. A shify-shify agile agent of destruction from way-way out there where we shouldn't go, he is...

(Interesting enough, his name is composed from 5 of my good co-workers... Syed directs the system integration team. I call him Elvis. He calls me Tom Cruise. Asif is one of my configuration managers who at one point in his life exclaimed: "Honestly officer! I was just helping the goat over the fence! Unhand me!" Sandeep is a development director in charge of Clinical Services and Case Management. Ashok is a VP of Enterprise Process. Chaitanya Ramaram is my Senior Integration Engineer. He is in love with Miley Cirus and has been tortured endlessly for it... Now, I can't type that name every time I reference the bug. So, in Vicki's honour, we shall call him... The Great Habib!)

Unknownst to him, nobody is more agile than the extra shify-shifty-shifty boarding photo-graphers who were imported from the poor village of pego-pego Africa and were paid a whopping $1.25/hour for their services which landed the Funship $50.00 per useless 8x10 and 4x5 picture set... Muwahahaha!

Nevertheless. The photo-graphers did not know that The Great Habib had sneakted on board. So, DESTRUCTION had ensue-ed. With his sandy crusty clampy legs and buggy buggy eyes, The Great Habib had pushted over the once-majestic smokestack... Oh no!

THEN! The Great Habib had run-ed down to Hagrid's (I mean, The Bug's) lavish stateroom and KILLDED him DEAD!

AND THEN! In his shify-shify ways, The Great Habib shifty-shifted his way off the Funship Bugscape before it left port...

And nobody had a shify or non-shifty clue...

The End

Okay... Just Kidding. But, the story was a lot better than saying that Hagrid (I mean, The Bug) changed wardrobe overnight, went dancing on the promenade deck, went to bed, and in the morning changed back into his stinky old shell and continued to burrow under the Funship Bugscape. Right?

This story was inspired by the PS3 game "Assassin's Creed" which is a totally awesome game with 1080i graphics, smooth transitions, and a shifty-shifty story line that actually teaches players about morals and trust in your fellow man.

This story is dedicated to my lovely wife Victoria and her wonderfully imagined, fictional, character "The Great Habib"...

Back To Work Stuff

Okay... It's 10:40pm EST... The Oliva Serie G has been burned out for at least 30 minutes, my drink is dried up, Vicki has gone to bed, the cats are asleep, and I have about 80 minutes to complete my status report.

I guess it's time to quit the blogitty-blog stuff for today. Cheers!

Don't forget to brush your teeth and say your prayers...

Bugscape In All Its Glory Stuff

Naturally, the funship photographers know how to exploit their patrons. This lovely picture was taken from the docks as Hagrid, I mean "The Bug" was boarding. Later during the cruise, "The Bug" had to wait in line for 3 hours and pay $50.00 for 1 8x10 and 4 5x7's that he didn't need. Oh well... Perhaps he can send some to his friends in Florida...

Boarding The Funship Bugscape Stuff

Due to the newest funship technology, boarding the bugscape was a snap. We start off with a well manicured 5 finger elevator to the security gate. Hagrid, I mean "The Bug", had a few issues at security which required him to go through a series of questioning and full cavity search.

Hagrid: "The CATS made me do it! I swear!"
Security: "Well..."
Security: "That's believeable..."
Security: "You may pass..."

With shame set aside, Hagrid, I mean "The Bug", collected what dignity he had left and proceeded towards the boarding ramp...


...Where he was masterfully accosted by photographers.

How he took this wonderful boarding picture, we'll never know...

Eventually, I'm sure, it will be put in a tiny frame and place in his stateroom for the lady visitors to enjoy...

Sandbox Stuff

Well, it's late summer and I have not had a vacation in over 2 months. Since I have no funding for a vacation, I decided that "The Bug" can go in my place and I can live vicariously through him.

Behold "The Funship Bugscape" lavished with a pool and large swim-up bar. Also notice the "Titanic" like bow where he can scurry to the tip and proclaim that he's "The King of the WORLD".

This blogging has been inspired by 1 glass of spiced rum & Dr. Pepper, 1 Oliva Serie G cigar, and Vicki. And, procrastination since I still have a status report to complete before midnight...

(Hey - Although my new boss Doug did say he wanted the report turned in on Thursday, he never said what time...)

Married to a Vet Tech Stuff

Well. There I was working on my status report for work. When Vicki exclaimed that I needed to help her with somthing. She was in the kitchen. Being the absolutely accomodating husband that I am, I said: "Why yes honey" and got up to assist. Little did I know, she was cleaning the damn bug's cage.

Hagrid is the bug's name. He's a professional escape artist. One day he climbed up a small wire, pushed open the glass top, jumped off the 2ft tank onto the counter, launched off the 3.5ft counter onto the hardwood floor, stealthed past 6 cats, across 30 feet of carpet, and hunkered down behind the TV. It's a miracle we found him. (Alive...) Our cats appear to be useless hunters. OR they batted him across the room until he got into a corner where they couldn't reach him. (Bummer...)

Hagrid is a crustacian kinda thing that Vicki picked up over a year ago. (Lord help me, it's still alive... Why can she keep BUGS alive and not any of our PLANTS!?) We even have a finch that has a typical lifespan of 4 years. The finch (Nixon), is 9 years old! What's up with that?

Any way, I call Hagrid "The Bug". Vicki wanted me to fix his tank with a special design so he would feel more "at home". Being a Master Of The Sandbox Stuff, I went to work...

Deck Stuff: The Inspection

Leah came over to do a 2 day inspection on the completed "Screened In Porch". (We can't really call it a deck anymore...)


Inspection Results:
"I like it. I like everything out there." *

I have to say, those results were better than expected! How exciting! Awesome! Yay!

And now... OFF TO THE WAVEPOOL TO CELEBRATE!!! WeeHaw!!!


* Responses like "I don't know." and "I don't know what to say." and "When are we going to the wave pool?" and "Let's play the note game that I just made up with Vicki instead of this." and "Let's go play the SnotJacks song on your guitar." have been intentionally left out of the inspection results...

Deck Stuff: The Finished Product

Leah is coming to inspect tomorrow... I got it done just in time! I better get to bed! Cheers!

Deck Stuff: Fair Weather Worker

Well... Once it starts to snow, it's time to take a break. Once it gets too hot, it's time to take a break. If you think its going to rain, it's time to take a break. If Vicki wants to go to the mall, it's time to take a break.

The beach is calling! It's Bootcamp time! Your Niece is graduating from High School! You busted your back!

It's time to take a break...

The picture above and to the right was taken on September 9, 2007. There was a good bit of progress. The deck floor was completely removed and replaced, the wall framework was constructed, a door was put up, a new stairway platform was build.

Next steps were researching and installing siding that matched the house, installing a cat door, building the stairs, designing and building the arbor/trellis, painting, screening, construction cleanup, and staining. I don't have any pictures on this progress. All I know is the last drop of stain was applied on August 15, 2008. I'm Done! Thank You God!

It's time to take a very long break!!!

Deck Stuff: Bendi, Maverick, and Maija

We Think It's Done Now! Let Us Out!

Look at all the sweet climbing stuff! Awesome!

Deck Stuff: Helping Hand

Bendi: "Hey Kitties! Look what Scot and Tim did!"

Scot, DeAnn, and the kids came by for a visit. I put Scot to work. (Sorry, no action pictures...)

In the picture to the left, Bendi is looking up at completed rafters and roof decking. Scot and I spent the whole day putting all the pieces together.

Most memorable moment: Scot and I were carying 50 pound 3/4 inch decking from the basement, through the back yard, up steps, and onto the deck. Once we got to the deck, I would climb up the ladder, Scot would crouch low and heave the decking up the ladder and over my body, I would take the decking and slide it up and behind me. We did this with 10 sheets of decking. On the 8th sheet, Scot slides the decking half way up (out of my reach) and slowly starts sinking back down. Scot lets out a loooong grunt. He's pushin', he's pushin'! Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!! And then in a grunty voice filled with drama, Scot exclaims: "I think I just pee'd myself"! Needless to say, we both busted out laughing and the board went down. We probably laughed for 5 minutes straight...

After taking a short break, we got the rest of the decking up and fastened to the rafters. Bendi was obviously impressed...

Deck Stuff: Destruction and Construction

Destruction and supporting the deck floor took about 2 weekends. Why? Well, I didn't have any tools to do large construction by myself. Plus, the foundation needed to be strong enough to support the weight of people, the new walls, and roof that were about to go up. I had calculating to do... No biggie... Below is a picture of what the deck looked like, on October 14, 2006, after the destruction, extension, and supports... Now I can start doing the real work...

I had the posts up on October 15, 2006. "Nice and level!" But then... Hmmm... I have to cut into the house... More thinking, more destruction, and this time I was cutting into a very expensive investment! Oh crap! Oh yeah, more tools...

The cutting was done on October 25, 2006. Thank God for plastic tarps! It started raining soon after...

The customized tongue and groove rafters were ready to put up on October 29, 2006...
The call to Scot for help was placed immediately... I needed more hands!

Stay tuned to learn about what Scot said as he was pushing up the decking...

Deck Stuff: In The Beginning

On a cool morning in Spring of 2006, Leah (on left) and I were hanging out on the enclosed part of Scot and Dee's deck. After about an hour of discussing the economy and figuring out how to obtain world peace, we just sat and looked around for about 15 minutes. It was very relaxing and a moment that will stick in my memory forever.

Anyway, it was around this time when I decided that I could replicate this environment of relaxation at home. I bounced the idea off of Vicki and we both agreed it would be really nice to do it "Some Day"...

“Someday” started on October 1, 2006 with a rough plan and a sledge hammer. I figured it would take me about 2 months. How hard could it be? Extend the deck 2 feet, add support underneath, slap some 4x4's all around, put the roof on, add siding, make a trellis for the swamp jasmine vine, and that’s it!